Messages from Beyond

I read the contents of the envelope from the crematorium: certificate of cremation, sympathy card and beautiful poem about the Rainbow Bridge. More tears. I want to go to the rainbow bridge so badly.

The emotional roller coaster starts. I always said I would never have another dog and then we got Luna for my mum.

She said we should get another dog, the house is empty and we can offer a nice home. I totally agree they are great company, love unconditionally, become part of the family etc etc but they are also a tie, a worry, hard work and expensive if things go wrong, kennels etc. But, we could give another rescue dog a chance of a happy life. So I looked on the internet. I was a bit happier. We could help another dog.

But, I really shouldn't have looked, it was much too soon. I didn't like any of them. They were not Luna and I couldn't see another dog running round our home so soon. I am nowhere near ready, I miss Luna so much.

Email to friend, again.

Monday, 25 November 2019

What are the odds of 3 Luna's in a row?

Mum is talking about getting another dog for company and because the house is so empty. Lee and I talked about it and I was even looking at all the strays on-line but none of them called out to me and I just ended up crying because I don't want any of them. Plus 3 in a row came up one was called Lee Lou, then Luna then Luna Moon. Mum and me used to get mixed up sometimes and call out for LuLee when we wanted one of them. I am definitely not ready for another dog, maybe a lot later we can decide and discussed it again. Now I keep thinking he is trying to contact us and that he hasn't made it the Rainbow Bridge. Going to contact Lee's sister as she is a medium and helps guide others on the other side. What a mess I am.

Lee's sister called today. Lee answered and couldn't really speak but the message was amazing. Luna is fine and is with his mother. It didn't sink in at first but she meant his doggy mum. I would never have thought of that in a million years. I really smiled. This has helped me so much. When I am down  which is most of the time, I will think of him happy again with his mum. He was a rescue dog so I am so pleased he found his mum again. More tears.

So What Just Happened? RIP Luna

Luna was his usual self all day and even had a mad one in the garden. You know the type of thing, bouncing around the garden and enjoying his life.

Later in the evening he wanted to go out. It was raining. He still went out and he stood for ages in the garden just looking out, wandering about, doing a wee here and there until he had no more. He came in and then immediately went out again. He just wanted to be outside. He did this a few times. Lee said he had done this before and wanted to do a poo. We had to call him back in and eventually he came back in.

Our Luna

He was a bit restless, obviously wanted to sleep but couldn't get comfortable on his side so he was on his stomach with his head on his paws. As the night went on it was obvious something was wrong although he still wanted fusses and would get up to move to another place but always going back to where he was. We knew something was wrong when Lee noticed he had done a little poo where he lay. Over the last couple of weeks he had had a couple of accidents in the house which was unusual too but it seemed that he needed to go urgently. It looked like he couldn't get up any more, but he did and made his way half way across the room to another spot. There was no problem with his walking he was just trying to settle down, but then he went and lay down in the far side corner of the room and was sick twice. Not a great amount. I cleaned it up and gave his some fuss but I think I knew then that we were losing him. I was still hoping though that after he had some sleep he would feel a bit better. It was about 1am and my partner and mum went to bed. I said I would stay up and call them if anything happened. I asked Luna if he wanted to go out but he didn't. It was quite a few hours since he last went out. His stomach was a bit bloated but it had been like that a while and wasn't any bigger than when we went to the vet.

I gave Luna space and left him for a little while but then he started getting restless again so I went over to him. He changed position a few times, sat upright for a moment looking at me and then lay back down again. Once he had found his spot he didn't get up again. I placed his little blanket just lightly over his back so that he felt secure. His eyes kept glazing over and then he would come into focus again. I got Lee up this time as something had changed. We both sat with him lightly stroking his back and paw but not all the time to give him space. His breathing changed. His back was going up a little with each breath and then it calmed down and so did his breathing. I counted 8 seconds between breaths and then it got longer until it completely stopped. Then we broke. We both held him in turn and cried into his fur. It was so sad, we had lost him. I woke my mum up, she's 92 and can't walk very well (after her stroke). She lay on the floor and was broken like us, sobbing and holding him. It was about 3am.

We left him where he was while we decided what to do and had a few more cuddles with him too. We decided to have him cremated and mum wanted his ashes to be buried with her. So we wrapped him in his blanket and moved him into his basket so that we could carry him easier. His normal weight was about 40kg but he felt so much heavier. He looked at peace and just like he was sleeping. So heartbreaking for all of us.

We were numb. I rang a 24 hour pet crematorium and we arranged to take him at 9am. It was an hour's drive. We left Luna there and collected his ashes 5 hours later. It is a beautiful wooden casket with his name on and a little flower attached to the top. We couldn't open the envelope that came with it. Not yet.

10 Days of Grief, Dog Background information

Luna in the sunshine

We first went to the vet late Spring/Early Summer with our Luna dog. It was all quite sudden. He didn't want to go for walks and didn't want to sunbathe which was so unusual because he was pretty hyper, full of energy and a total sun worshipper.

After his blood test, Luna was diagnosed with low thyroid and a possible liver problem. He was given thyroid tablets, probably for the rest of his life. He did improve a little but was nowhere near the same as he was. He was 12 and so everyone was saying that he was old and it was to be expected. I always knew there was something else. This change didn't happen gradually it happened immediately after a family visit of a few days. I thought maybe it was too much for him as he didn't want to miss anything and that he would be okay after a few days, but he wasn't.

The vet was happy with his thyroid tablets and although still a little low felt that he was on the right dosage. They didn't want to put him under to investigate his liver as he was too old and might not come round. We agreed as he had had a minor operation a couple of years back (not related) and it took him 3 days to recover from the anaesthetic. The other option was to try and do a scan which would involve shaving a large area and keeping him still while they did it. Also not an option as there is no way he would be still for this, even if we held him still he would still be wriggling and trying to get free. I didn't know at the time that there was another option of fasting for a day, then blood test and then blood test after eating. This was our next option but we didn't get to do that as Luna passed before we had a chance. We had only been to the vet on the Monday again because he had started to drink loads of water and then be sick. I do not have any anger and believe they did what they thought best.